Life Lessons

They say if you parent correctly, your kids are the ones who end up teaching you. Sure, you try to instill life lessons and values into them, but if you pay close enough attention, kids leave YOU with new values and life lessons.

I haven’t been a parent long, but my journey has been different than the normal. I’ve learned things like how to change a g-tube, signs of shunt malfunctions, how to measure head circumference, how to operate feeding pumps. I’ve learned so much about holoprosencephaly, airway malacia, and many other medical terms and technical hoopla.

Ashtyn has taught me so much, more than just her diagnosis and how it affects her. She is only two, but she has taught me what it is like to be a fighter. I remember sitting in her NICU room on a Sunday and telling her the story about David and Goliath. I remember telling her how there is a warrior in all of us, and that out of the three of us (Alex, me and her) she was the bravest. God has specifically chosen this journey for her, and that every obstacle that came up in her road, she had the power and the tools to use to defeat them – no matter how little she was. She was prayed over, cared for, and most of all, she was chosen and called by the Almighty. No weapon, or obstacle would prosper against her.

With every surgery, hospital trip, health scare, she prevailed. I would watch as doctors would come in and try to prepare us for the “worst case scenario”, but Ashtyn would continually prove them wrong. We would watch over her and the monitors as she was breathing over the tube that she was supposedly going to be in for weeks, I remember the day that took it out, just short of a week. With tears in my eyes, Ashtyn fought her way through.

She has taught me to live in the moment. When we were given the news about her prognosis, we were told every single appointment that we should abort, prepare for a funeral, or not get too attached. My heart would start racing, very unkind words forming in my mouth ready to destroy the doctor, but then Ashtyn would kick me, or do something on the monitor that would show her personality- the personality she was “never going to have”. I would treasure every kick, every hic-up session, every roll, and even every midnight bounce on the bladder session while I was pregnant with her. And every day since she has been born, I treasure every laugh, every smile, every midnight party session she throws every once in a while.

She taught me to live this way with the Lord, too. So many times I would catch myself in the hustle of the day forgetting to take a moment and bask in the goodness of the Lord. I would take more time to worship him during my plan time, thank Him for my students, thank him for the opportunity to be a light to these kids. I would bask in His presence when students would come and tell me, “Ms. C, I got saved this weekend” or a parent would share the same news with me.

She has taught me how to love resiliently. I have always heard “love like Jesus” or “be like Jesus”, but Ashtyn has taught me how to actually live it. At first, it was hard. People coming to me and asking ridiculous questions, doctors telling me not to get my hopes up would absolutely drive me to wanting to knock their lights out, but something clicked eventually. These people don’t know and there is a chance that the visits with Ashtyn could be the only opportunity they have to learn about Jesus. I would answer questions, and then tell her testimony. I would smile at the doctors and then quickly remind them of how far her and Jesus have come. I would be positive at her appointments first thing in the morning, offering her testimony at all risen opportunities.

Being Ashtyn’s mom has taught me so much. I can only hope that when she is older, she can look back and see the lessons that Alex and I tried to teach her.